


John Winchester and the Case of Sleep Depravation

by CanonicallySoulmates



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Ficlet, Gen, John Finds Out, M/M, POV John Winchester, implied bottom Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-20 00:23:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10651152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CanonicallySoulmates/pseuds/CanonicallySoulmates
Summary: Three months without sleep is enough to make anybody snap





	John Winchester and the Case of Sleep Depravation

**Author's Note:**

> This is pure crack. Crackity, crack, crack. I have never written this genre before, and I wanted to try my hand at it.

It was a hot summer night in who-the-fuck-caresville, and John Winchester is filled with determination. This is it, this is the night he confronts his biggest nightmare face-to-face.  
He can hear them now, the two monsters who will surely send him to his grave. 

“ _Dean_. Dean, wait, _oh_. What if dad wakes up?”

“Come on Sammy, he won’t wake up. I need you. ”

The _exchange_. It happens every night before the monsters attack each other. ‘His words are false!’ I’d scream in my head, ‘False I say! I do wake up!’ before I’d proceed to try and quietly suffocate myself with my pillow. But not tonight! Tonight is the night he puts a stop to things once and for all. 

Before the monsters can attack, he leaps out of bed! 

“Stop!”

“Dad!”“Dad!”

The monsters stare in shock. One on top of the other, limbs so tangled together they look like one body with two heads. 

“We can explain!” “It’s not what it looks like!” “Dad-” “It’s not Dean’s fault I-”

“Enough! I don’t want to hear it! _Any_ of it ever again!”

“Da-”

“No Dean! I haven’t slept in three months thanks you two! THREE! Every night I think I’ll reach peaceful slumber and every night the bed creaking, and the moaning, and the grunting, and the gasping wakes me up. You get into a frenzy and forget there’s someone else in the room, you know one time you hit me in the face with your boxers? YOUR BOXERS! I slept in the bathtub once, you two didn’t even notice I _stood up from the bed_. You two are like animals! The first night I woke up I thought Dean was trying to eat you Sam!”

“Well-”

“NOT NOW DEAN! I’ve had enough! I’ve tried whisky, I’ve tired headphones, I’ve tried ear plugs, I’ve tried sleep medication, nothing works over the sound of you two. Especially you Sam! I’VE HEARD PORN STARS THAT MOAN LESS THAN YOU DO! Now I don’t care what you two get up to but I’m tired and I want to sleep.”

“Where are you going?”

“I’m sleeping in the car tonight. And tomorrow I’m getting another room. That’s going to be our new system, _two_ rooms. One for you. One for me. And we’re never, _ever_ going to talk about this again. Understood?”

“Yes, sir” “Yes, sir”

“Good. Good night boys.”

The click of the door behind him sounds like applause. Victory. The monsters have been defeated. And sleep awaits.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: This started as a serious concept. 
> 
> Crossposted on my tumblr: [canonicallysoulmates.tumblr.com](http://canonicallysoulmates.tumblr.com/post/159504280553/it-was-a-hot-summer-night-in)
> 
> Feel free to come talk to me about wincest and John finding out ;)


End file.
